Parenting

 Today I am going to talk about parenting. In my class we learned from Michael Popkins that in order to raise good and successful children, we as parents have to fulfill their needs. He states 5 things that children need from us, along with how we as parents can approach the situation to give them those needs, and then he teaches about the consequences of mistaken approaches due to us not satisfying their needs. 

The first need that parents should give their child is contact and belonging. Contact should be things like physical contact, eye contact, etc. These things are so important for a child's development. There have even been studies done where babies were not touched unless they were being fed or changed, and most of the babies ended up dying. Contact makes us feel important and it also helps us to feel like we belong. It is important for a child to feel like thy belong, and to receive contact from us otherwise they might try to make up for it in the wrong way. Popkins teaches that when children don't receive the contact and belonging that we need, they tend to be undue attention seekers. They might try to fill the void they are missing with ways that don't work. A good way for parents to approach this need is to always offer contact freely and to teach children to contribute. Always offering free contact makes them feel loved and teaching them to contribute can help them feel like they belong. 

The second need that parents should give their child is power. Developmentally, we are all driven to be independent and autonomous. When we don't receive that, the consequence of it tends to be rebellion and controlling others. The parental approach to providing the need of power is to offer them choices. This makes the child feel like they have some say in the matter, but so do you as you are the one providing the choices. Another way is to teach your children responsibility. We need to teach our children that there are always also consequences that come from the choices we make and how we use our responsibility. 

The third need that parents should give their child is protection. In order for a child to feel safe and stable, we as parents need to offer them the protection so they can feel that way. When we don't satisfy that need for them, revenge. When they feel unsafe, unprotected, and uncomforted, when things happen to them, they act out in revenge. This is not good because revenge doesn't teach anything. In fact it usually only makes things worse. The parental approach that Popkins teaches for this need is that parents need to provide assertiveness and forgiveness. These are huge and it is so important for the parent to teach their child. The best way that the child will learn these 2 concepts is through example. The parents should be an example to their child of how to be assertive, but also of how to be forgiving. Children learn by role modeling, and that is the best way to meet their needs.

The fourth need that parents should give their child is giving them breaks. We all need breaks in life and it is important to learn that it is okay to take breaks. When we don't do this for our children, they will act out with undue avoidance. They will avoid things because they never learned how to take breaks, and that it is acceptable to take breaks. As a parent the only way to satisfy this need is to literally give them breaks. We can also teach that it is okay to take breaks and then to also go back.

The fifth need that parents should give to their child is giving them a challenge. When things are too easy, we tend to get bored or not even try anymore. If we don't provide this need for our children, they will have undue risk taking. They will try to seek out challenges themselves if we don't give it to them; they might do this in ways that are unsafe, making it important that we provide challenges for them. Popkins teaches that the parental approach to satisfying this need is to help your child learn skills, and to build those skills. Learning new skills presents the child with many opportunities to challenge themselves and to learn that they can do hard things. 

I loved being able to learn about how when I become a parent someday, I can do these things for my child. I loved that he taught what the children need, but also how we as parents can give them that need. It is important as parents to remember how important these needs are, and how we provide them, if at all, will affect the child greatly.