Dating For Marriage

 Today I want to talk about what comes before marriage and why the "before" of marriage is so important. The "before" of marriage that I want to talk about today is dating. I believe that the way we date will ultimately decide our future with the person we choose to marry, so I wanted to share some insights into dating that I think are so important to be able to determine a good marriage with this person. 

I want to talk about how going on dates can help you determine if the person is someone that you want to continue to date. So then what should a date look like? In Elder Dallin H Oaks talk titled "Dating versus Hanging Out" he describes that in order for something to be a date it needs to pass the test of the 3 P's. These P's are Planned ahead, Paid for, and Paired off. I believe that this test is a perfect way to define what a date is. I believe that when a date is planned, it shows that the person has put a lot of thought into it which shows they care. It also shows that they are able to take charge and preside as well. I think when a date is paid for it also shows that they are able to provide for you. And when a date is paired off, it creates the perfect opportunity to get to know someone and in ways they are able to protect you as well. So when we look at the three P's that need to be there in order for it to pass as a date, I also aligned them with the three P's from the Family: A Proclamation to the World; presiding, providing, and protecting. I believe when we are going on a date for someone, it is important to look at the person and see if you can identify some of these qualities, so you are able to know if it is someone that you want to continue to date. I testify  that the best way to be able to find out if we should continue to date someone though, is to take it to our Heavenly Father. I believe that if we use faithful prayer to our advantage to know if we should continue the relationship, Heavenly Father will help us in that situation. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. When we come to Him willing to accept His will, instead of our own, He will be able to help us navigate through the unknown of dating. 

Something else that I want to talk about is a good equation that will help you to get to know the person we are considering dating. Knowing the person that we are dating is key to a successful marriage. Many people enter marriage without fully knowing the person they are marrying, and then they are surprised when problems arise. In this equation there are 3 key parts that will help you to know the person better. These are called the three T's and they are Time, Talk, and Togetherness. For time, studies have shown that it takes about 3 months to even begin to get to know each other. I feel like a lot of people rush dating, but it's so important to spend long enough getting to know each other before making big decisions. For talk, it's important to have mutual self-disclosure, sharing both of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. And for togetherness, the time that you spend together will create shared experiences and activities, which help you get to see how the person is in different situations even better as well. I believe that the biggest factor in dating before marriage is knowing the person. As I just discussed, it takes a lot of time, talking, and togetherness before we are able to know a person, so making sure to focus on those is key. 

There are 4 steps involving dating. These steps are dates, as in going on different dates including different activities, next is courtship, then engagement, and then marriage. I think that spending enough time in each of these steps is so important to knowing each other more, and knowing if this is the person that you want to be with forever. 

Ultimately, when it comes to deciding to date someone, and deciding if that person is who you want to spend forever with, it can be very daunting and scary sometimes. I think our biggest advantage in this though is our Father in Heaven. He has a perfect plan for us and wants to help guide us along in it, we just need to be willing to faithfully accept His will, and turn to Him faithfully with any questions that we might have about it along the way.