Communication and Problem Solving

 Today I want to discuss communication and problem solving in relationships. I mainly want to focus on the model that we used to be effective communicators. I think this model really helped me to understand good communication better. In my class I learned about this strategy that we can use in order to have effective communication with our partners, or even anyone in our lives. It is called the 5 secrets of effective communication and they use the acronym EAR for it. 

The E in EAR stands for Empathy. I believe in order to have a good conversation, we need to be able to see things from the other person's point of view, and to imagine how they might be feeling in that moment. Tip number one under empathy is something called the disarming technique. This technique is done by finding some truth in what the other person that you are communicating with is saying. Even if what they are saying might seem totally incorrect or unreasonable to you, it is still possible to acknowledge something that they said that has truth to it. The second step under empathy is empathy itself. This means that you should put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand them from their point of view. There are two ways that you can do this. There is thought empathy and feeling empathy. Thought empathy is what we do when we paraphrase what the other person says. I think what this does is it helps the other person know that you are hearing what they're saying and trying to understand it. Feeling empathy is acknowledging how the other person might be feeling from what you heard them say. I think what this does is it helps the person to be seen and more understood and valued. The third step in empathy is called inquiry. This is where you can ask the other person gentle questions that better help you be able to understand more about their thoughts and feelings. This makes it so that you are both on the same page, making sure that you are bother understanding each other correctly. 

The A in EAR stands for Assertiveness. This part is your chance to state how you are feeling and to express your own ideas. The way to go about this is by using statements such as "I feel" statements rather than "you" statements. Sometimes when we constantly feel "you" statements, the other person can feel attacked. When you use the "I feel" statement, you are still able to state how you feel about the other person, but it doesn't make the person feel as condescended. I feel like sometimes this is something that is really hard for me because in the heat of the moment I want to tell the person all of these things that they're doing, but instead I should be telling them how I feel about what they're doing. 

The R in EAR stands for respect. The step for this technique is called stroking. This is where you convey an attitude of respect, even if you are feeling upset with them or frustrated with them. I think this might be one of the most important aspects to good communication and problem solving because the moment we let our emotions of anger and frustration take over, we are not thinking logically, and things can be said that aren't meant, or the two of you aren't able to understand each other. During this step, you can try to find something positive to say, even if you are in the heat of the moment. This can help to lighten the mood, and make the both of you feel seen, heard, and respected. 

I thought this model and acronym was a really good way to understand how to better communicate with the people that are in our lives. I feel like I'm not the best communicator sometimes, and I didn't really know how to be better at it, but after learning about these techniques and steps, I know that I will be able to apply these and communicate better.