The Family Under Stress

 I think that most people would assume that stress is always bad and that there is no good that comes from it. After learning some things in my class though about the family under stress, I have come to learn and realize that stress in families can create opportunities; opportunities to grow and learn together. Personally I grew up with a lot of stress in my family. My dad was an alcoholic, he wasn't a member of the church and he would always antagonize my mom, sister, and I for our beliefs, and my parents ended up getting a divorce. Looking back, I remember that my mom would always try to work things out, and try to work through the problems and the stress, but I believe it became too much for everyone to handle so it finally ended in a divorce, which only caused more stress. From deciding living arrangements and custody, there was a high level of stress in our home. As my siblings and I were still pretty young, me being 10, it was really hard on all of us since the family we were used to was now completely being changed. In my class I learned about different coping methods that people use that are ineffective. Some examples include denial, scapegoating, and avoidance. Denial would be where people do not believe what they observe, they deny it; this is the most common ineffective coping method. Scapegoating is where people will admit there is a problem, but they feel like they need to find someone or something to blame the problem on. People do this so that they don't have to feel the feelings of shame and guilt. Avoidance is admitting the existence of a problem, but people will avoid confronting and dealing with the problem. Looking back to my family when I was growing up, it seemed that all of our coping methods were ineffective; we ended up using scapegoating a lot and also avoidance. We would avoid our feelings about the manner and we would just try to push it away. I think that there could have been a lot of opportunity for growth if we as a family knew better how to cope while being under stress. So what are some things that one can do to act sufficiently when one's family is under stress? A great example of this is taking responsibility. In contrast to avoidance, denial, and scapegoating, a family can effectively cope through stress when you take responsibility for your family and yourself. Another way to effectively cope through stress is to affirm your own and your family's worth. Going through a crisis can effect one's self esteem greatly, so making sure to keep your own high and influence others' in the family will greatly help. I think one of the best ways to cope through stress is by learning the art of reframing. This is a way that helps you to be able to change your perspective on the situation. Earlier I talked about how stress in families can create opportunities to grow and learn together and I think learning to reframe is how to achieve it! It is about your mindset of the situation; you can either look at a crisis as something that has robbed you and your family from peace and happiness, or you can look at it as an obstacle that will lead to growth. My teacher said something that I really liked; he said that the best time to pull together is when you feel like pulling apart. He also said that coping is not just getting by, but it is an opportunity to make your relationships stronger. I think both of these statements are so true. It is about the way we look at obstacles in our life. If we decide it is only going to make things worse, it will. But if you decide that it can help you learn and grow, then you have a change of attitude and heart, and you are more likely to grow through stress. Learning to find effective ways to cope through stress and realizing that stress can create opportunities to grow, you will better be able to pull together as a family during crisis, rather than pull apart.